Things to say to your server when you eat low carb

For anyone that has braved eating out when low carbing, you are well aware of the confusion that is evident on the faces of some servers when you make special requests or refuse things that seem innocuous to some people. Here is a compact list of handy responses that you can keep with you when eating out, in case you meet with some resistance from your server.


1.) I'm Diabetic. If you give me sugar I'll go into a coma immediately after stabbing you with my fork.

2.) Keep your croutons to yourself, mister.

3.) I just ordered a hamburger wrapped in lettuce. If you offer me fries one more time, I'll order them and insert them into your eyes.

4.) Yes, that's all I want on my plate. If it makes you feel better you can put a potato there for me to toss at your other table.

5.) So I eat butter with a spoon. You brought me a loaf of bread. As I see it, you tried to kill me and I'm trying to butter away the pain.

6.) You're right, it's not a balanced diet. That's why I eat Vegans.

There it is - six things to confuse and frighten uncooperative servers.

Thanks for reading! Remember, print this out and practice - sooner or later you'll find the perfect opportunity to make your server understand the depth of their ignorance. Or you could just get arrested. Either way, it's sure to be fun.